You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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