Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Floor bacon is actually really good
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
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