And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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