i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
