clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
This house was built for laser tag.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
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He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
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I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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