You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
