so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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