just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
