People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
