dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
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