i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
