Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
