I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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