My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
