The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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