I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
