What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
