My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
