I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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