I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
