life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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