I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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