Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
