dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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