we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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