talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
operation harelip BJ is a go
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Randomize
