bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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