I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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