Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
