Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
