glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize