ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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