you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So much Jack, so little girl.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
