last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
BRING THE BAGELS
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