he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
All I want is dick and wine.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
