No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
