Nicole vs. Life
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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