Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
