my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
