The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Michael Bay diarrhea
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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