It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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