I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize