My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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