How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
