I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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