Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I will pee on everything he values.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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