Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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