its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize