so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
