i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
