Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He better not be in your backpack
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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