She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
