Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize