Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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