That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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