My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
